New Year resolutions are usually based on what we want to stop doing or goals that involve depriving ourselves of that which we currently find pleasurable. After all; if you really wanted to give up diet coke…you would have! The reason you haven’t is because you still enjoy it. Rather than setting goals I want you to think about creating a daily lifestyle based on what is most important to you and how you want to feel.
I believe it is the daily practices we do, the moment-by-moment choices we make, which create experiences that result in a positive and fulfilling life.
Believe it or not if I had a magic wand and you received all your New Year resolutions I guarantee after the initial high that comes with instant gratification, you would be soon searching for the next thing to bring you happiness. Chasing happiness is not the answer. It is an emotion and like all emotions it doesn’t last long…7 seconds in fact (they say). Instead think about how you really want to feel.
How do you want to feel?
Danielle LaPorte talks about this in her work The Desire Map. When you lose 3kg – how will this make you feel? Reality is you are chasing the desired feelings of reaching your New Year resolutions – not the goal itself. You will find it’s not the huge, expensive, extravagant goals or material items that nourish you. Your ego would love all those things and most of the planet spend their lives on an endless path of achievement in order to gain them. Bring out your list from Part One and write down how you will ‘feel’ when you have achieved each goal. Then it’s simple! What can you do each day to evoke these feelings?
Identify what is important to you
My life transformed when I took the time to discover what was most important to me. I stripped back all my ego’s goals and desires and thought about what really mattered. The results were my health + wellbeing, hubby + family, friends and my work. Now all of my choices revolve around these core elements of my life. Many of us are pushed and pulled according to everyone else’s expectations; there are times society dictates how we should look, work demands all of our time and people can drain our energy. Then we wonder why we feel so unhappy and unfulfilled? You only have so much time and energy to give each day. Prioritise it carefully. Begin identifying what is most important to you. In other words; what you value highly. Then create some new choices, activities, decisions and boundaries around these values. Let go of what doesn’t serve you and do more of what does. What you are left with are desires based on what is most important to who you are.
The more you value yourself and make choices that serve you; the less negative self-talk you will experience.
You’ll discover that as you begin to put my health and wellbeing first by taking care of yourself, you will naturally began making healthier choices and suddenly new habits and behaviours will develop without you even trying! All because you’ve identified what was most important to you based on who you are. It’s likely you’ll start doing more things or creating more goals in order to get more. You wont need to stop doing anything out of deprivation – even if it is bad for you . You’ll begin to listen to what makes you feel good in every moment and you’ll do more of that. You’ll simply change your choices.
Here is the difference…
When you choose – suddenly New Year resolutions are not about deprivation…they become about creation. Creating a positive life experience for yourself every day. It suddenly becomes so much more empowering now you have a choice on how to spend your time and energy. This is how you create a beautiful and fulfilling lifestyle every day – by making choices based on your values. By now you have thrown out that old New Year resolution list (for good I hope!) You have identified how you want to feel each day. You have listed what is truly important to you. …and you have a new set of rules, choices and decisions that make you feel so damn good AND bring about lasting change.